The Strange Boy


The Strange Boy

He was a stranger. To be honest both of us two shy passersby. We seemed to cross each other in the same place everyday. I was 16, he 18 years old. Then one day suddenly, he broke our silent pact. He stopped his motorbike and waved. His green moss eyes staring at me, as the wind ruffled his long hair. He never seemed to wear a helmet but who was I to point out the obvious. I pushed my glasses back and stared blankly in confusion. I can’t remember if I replied but I rushed off rather quickly. It could have almost been the beginning of Romeo and Juliet but thankfully boys didn’t interest me even when all everyone talked about was the opposite sex. Gross! It was never going to be on my radar. Study and college my focus- nothing could get in the way of my goals. Boys were an unwelcome distraction. I refused to let them in- including green eyed bikers in leather jackets.


Summer 1995 

Dear Diary,

Hey! Captain Puberty! Whoa! Finally, G.C.S.E’s are over and out! My blood and sweat saved temporarily for a short while. Thankfully, no more revision or exams until College. Amma ji, desperately wants me to be a doctor but since I have no idea what I want, I am going along with it for now. I have to get the grades so who knows what happens next? Until then, I worry not! Happy dance with me, please? I promise thereafter, I won’t bore you with anymore study dramas. Plus, I have more interesting news to catch you up on. I bet you can’t wait right?

I have almost overcome the scary truth about how babies are really made. Allah isn’t dropping them off! They are made by my parents. Oh gross! Eeeew. I can’t believe that one day my body will carry another human. I am going to say it again. One day I will carry a human in my belly. Oh God! I feel sick at the thought. No wonder Amma ji didn’t tell me, she really must hate it too! I can’t decide if I should be grateful to biology classes and those secret library books I’ve been stealing for opening this yucky can of worms or disappointed. I kinda of wish, I didn’t know the truth! What am I supposed to do with this? At least Amma ji didn’t have to indulge in the details. I’d hate to see how that would go. Oh! My poor ears! My poor eyes! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! I have scary images of my parents, which I wish I could burn away from my overactive imagination. I will save you the torment of finding out how the sperm forces it way to a poor helpless egg to have its wicked way with it. What if the egg doesn’t want the sperm? How ever will she repel? Honestly, I don’t want to know the rest. The poor egg, it has my sympathies. 

So, dear Captain, this is how I was conceived.

Perhaps some secrets are better kept than not. Anyway, moving on from the oldies, I have other questions. I don’t really understand how this actually happens in real life. You know, you have to find a boy that you like and then you have to touch each other. How do you even know what to do? Obviously Amma ji and Abba, were married but who told them how to do these things? Will there be a crash course? I will obviously have to get married first. My head hurts thinking about this. Marriage is so far away. I won’t lie Captain, I won’t. The thing is I am a teeny bit curious but not enough to find out for myself yet. Who wants to get married at 16? That’s crazy talk. I am not getting on that train. Amma ji, did say if I wanted I could marry a cousin in Pakistan. I totally said a big fat NO!

By the way, everyone at school has a crush on either a teacher or a friend. I have no crushes and I am sure no one has one on me either. To be clear, I don’t want to like boys. I don’t like boys. Actually, I don’t know if I like girls. I am not excited by any of this. It all feels contrived like we’re supposed to like someone because other people do. I don’t need a boyfriend. My eggs want to be left alone. It’s uncomplicated in my head. I have to study to get what I want. I want more from my life than a husband, kids and in -laws. The only way to achieve this is EDUCATION. This is the only way, I can have a different life to the one my parents have. I want to live! Plus, I can’t explain it, anyone other than Abba ji makes me queasy. I only like Abba ji. I don’t know why and I don’t feel like finding out.

I don’t exactly know someone who would tell me about the nitty -gritty details of love-making. And I can’t entirely trust the gossip mill so since, I am not exactly bothered, I have left it alone for now. Surely by the time I get married, I will find out but there’s plenty of time for that. There must be some religious explanation for this precise moment in my life.

Oh! Before I forget, you remember my green-eyed silent biker buddy- he’s not silent anymore. One day, out of the blue, he started to talk. Yeah, he spoke to me. ME! I don’t know why. I didn’t ask him either. I pretty much ran. I mean what was I supposed to say? Anyhow, the next time we bumped into each other, he handed me a note. Wait for it- it was a short story. Funny actually so I wrote one back. You now how much I love stories! Now I had a little audience, so I caved into my creative desires. And this was the start of our story telling marathon. It has been going on for awhile. I promise it’s not meant to be a secret but I’ve got no one to tell so its kinda of a secret, I guess. I thought it was innocent fun. No sperm and egg needed. We were storytelling buddies, I actually liked it until a few days ago he ruined it. RUINED it, I say! I blame his sperm, it must have wormed its way into his brain and sucked his sanity away from him.

We don’t actually talk to each other. We exchange notes! In the last one, he ever so dramatically declared his undying love for me! Really, I mean it. He did! He said- he loved me and would do so until the end. I am surprised he didn’t slit his wrist in his desperate pleas. At first I thought it was a joke. It would have been a funny joke. Oh, no no. It was not! Why couldn’t it be simple?

Urgh! What is wrong with boys? I didn’t want his love, I didn’t ask for it. I wanted to share word art not his love. Yuck! I still don’t understand why he would love me? He doesn’t know me- well in reality he doesn’t, he knows my stories. Anyway, truth be told, he’s the least of my worries because guess what? Amma ji found the notes. Drum roll. I really think she was going to have a heart attack or definitely ready to burst a vein. I wasn’t scared, I did nothing wrong. However, she doesn’t believe me. She thinks he’s my boyfriend and I am going to run away or something ridiculous but I will wait until she calms her little fragile self. I was honest- he was a buddy but I didn’t know his name. That’s all there is to it. I don’t know if I will be able to go college now but if I can’t I will never forgive him! This is all his fault. Why couldn’t we just have had a platonic relationship? Why did he have to ruin everything?

Thankfully, the wait wasn’t long. I can go College on the condition I stay away from this green eyed monster. I will happily stay away! You don’t need to convince me. I promise you. I am not sacrificing my future for a boy. However, I am so grateful that Amma ji decided to believe me. I don’t know what would happen if I had to stay at home. I would probably have to get married but I know Amma ji really wants me to study so no more boy trouble. So far, for the time being all my curiosity is sated. Until the day, I get married, I am staying as far away as possible from these good for nothing boys. Captain, this is the only way forward. I am not allowed a boyfriend and I don’t also want one. I just wish Allah doesn’t plant anymore distractions in my path.

Rightio! This is all I have for now. I will of course promise to keep you posted on any developments.

Love you,

WildFlower

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