It all began once upon time three years ago. There I was lying in bed, shackled to a body lost to illness. Not for a day, not for a week, not for a month. Rathermore, days merged as one, passing into years, three. An essence now, a distant reminder of once what was. I was no longer her. Simply, a shadow beneath skin and bones. My life clinging to the idea of the woman I used to be. Beyond my pain, emotional and other, I was nothing more than a disabled mishmash of unpredictable symptoms fighting to thrive amongst their noisy chaos for survival.
Then, one wintry day, I decided that this battle with chronic fatigue was not really a battle at all. I wasn’t it’s slave and I would not live by its rules anymore. Chronic fatigue was not the lion, I was. So, there it began, the churning of a wheel. My past did not define me, abuse didn’t beat me- then how would this illness that was robbing my dignity, stay and win? It would not. I would not hand over my power.
On a freezing cold Thursday morning in January this year, I caught a plane to Barbados. My first adventure since my diagnosis. The chance to actually live. My sore bones groaned as the wheelchair ached on our short trip through security. I persisted. Nothing would stop me, unless the angel of death visited. Eight hours later, the cool breeze hit my skin. My body tingled in an excitement fresh. For the first time, in three years, I walked unaided after such eventfully intense activity. Liberated by the calling of the ocean. A voice only I heard. A freedom beckoning.
Three weeks ago, I tentatively walked into the LionHorse. The house of healing. It’s magic, subtly slow. Yet, it washed away my burdens. Without any medications or aid, I finally lived without fear of relapses. Waking to the sounds of the ocean and the kiss of sunlight, something shifted. A chance meeting with a gentle soul, her home fast becoming my peaceful heaven. Her kind words, a guide to my inner truth. A wise soul, willing to give herself and listen to my silent woes. Whilst, Mother Nature kissed my toes in her delicate fragility but her fierce determination undeterred. Its message clear. LIVE. Within her grasp, I realised I had forgotten how. Under the guise of sickness, I merely existed. Here, today- I unburdened myself from another label.
I am not sickness. I am not abused. I am not a victim. I am not alone.
The gently welcoming walls of LionHorse, introduced me to a mirror. A pure reflection. A free spirit, its soul illuminating with light, love and life. The vibrations a frequency high. The warm touch of an angel, breathing life into my lost reality. Blindness lifting. A self emerging from broken shells. I finally saw what otherwise I couldn’t. My lion heart, breathing, beating, believing. A home within a home. Peaceful serene calmness cascading against the friction of toxic realities. This world basking in the arms of LionHorse was unlike anything I had seen. I did not believe life as such could exist. Yet, here I was living it.
I departed with the burning desire to live my inner truth. LionHorse, teaching me a lesson valuable… that thoughts become reality. My reality is not chronic fatigue and my small feet will not willingly walk that path anymore. The sand beneath my toes, my naked flesh soaking in glorious sunlight and the tantalising wind in my hair- a reminder constant. I am not sickness. And I no longer will carry that shame. I am who I choose to be. I choose not to be negative, toxic and angry. Thus, the past, merely that. Within that I will not forget that the memories of my body, were very real but I gave those realities a feast. No more. No more. No more.
LionHorse helped find my LionHeart. For that I am grateful. Today, I will not be the same as I was three weeks ago. Better still, I will not enable my life to hold on to its pain because that only led me down a dark rabbit hole. One, of not my heart. Today, I see myself as my truth.
I am light, love, peace.
Where is your new beginning?
I want to thank my wonderful hosts for their kindness and support. Please check out LionHorse to heal your heart.
Within my fingertips, I grasp the soft wings of a butterfly.
Today, I fly.
My brightly lit colours, dancing in moonlight.
I am free.
Together, our souls breathing.